An Interview With Twitter Sensation Faux Pelini

Mike Carter-USA TODAY Sports

With the highly anticipated clash between Wisconsin and Nebraska nearly upon us, we here at Badger of Honor wanted to get the thoughts of someone close to the Cornhuskers. And who better for an interview about Saturday’s showdown than arguably the best parody account on Twitter: @FauxPelini.

Faux Pelini is one of Twitter’s most popular parody accounts (if you’re not following him, do so immediately), having amassed over 142,000 followers. Only two actual college football coaches (Tennessee’s Butch Jones and LSU’s Les Miles) have a higher total of followers.

Faux Pelini was kind of enough to grant us an interview, during which we covered this Saturday’s game, the Big Ten, Melvin Gordon and Ameer Abdullah’s Heisman chances, his thoughts on how to improve the College Football Playoff, and much more.

Zach Rastall: On behalf of Wisconsin fans everywhere, a sincere thank you to Nebraska for being a quality opponent so the Badgers can finally play a game after 11 am.

Faux Pelini: You’re welcome but we didn’t really do it for you.

ZR: Have you decided what you’ll be wearing for the game?

FP: That’s a game time decision each week but this week I’m leaning toward a semi-casual pant, perhaps in a light brown, and some kind of a soft, long sleeve cotton shirt that can keep me warm, but really I haven’t made any decisions.

ZR: What’s your favorite Nebraska football memory from the Bo Pelini era?

FP: Probably that time we beat Wisconsin when you were wearing your superhero “W” jerseys. We had to overcome a lot of distraction and adversity that day, and because I coach sports, I cannot get enough adversity-overcoming. It makes me feel alive.

ZR: What has Carl been up to since being fired by Florida Atlantic last year?

FP: I am going to pretend you didn’t ask that. Never, ever ask what Carl is doing. You do not want to know the answer to that, ever.

ZR: Iowa has actually looked respectable at times on offense this year. Though they struggled mightily against Minnesota, should either of these teams be worried about their upcoming games against the Hawkeyes?

FP: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HA.

ZR: What does the Big Ten have to do to become nationally relevant in football again?

FP: Maybe start by having fewer teams that are bad at football. The bad teams do not help our conference seem good.

ZR: Thoughts on the Brady Hoke situation at Michigan?

FP: I enjoy it a lot. I think he is good to have in the conference and I do not want him to get fired, ever.

ZR: What was your favorite part of the Minnesota-Iowa game last weekend?

FP: I think probably all of the touchdowns that Minnesota scored? Yeah that was probably it.

ZR: How does it feel to know you have as many SEC wins as Bret Bielema?

FP: I don’t know but he’s fat.

ZR: What changes would you make, if any, to the current College Football Playoff format?

FP: I would introduce a wildcard where any school that rhymes with Alaska automatically gets in every year. That would be a fun special thing.

ZR: The last time these two teams met was the 2012 Big Ten Championship Game, where Wisconsin won 70-31. There isn’t a question with that; I just thought I’d throw that out there.

FP: This interview kind of sucks.

ZR: Wisconsin and Nebraska will be playing for the Freedom Trophy, starting this year. What do you think the design for it should have been?

FP: Maybe your ugly face I don’t know.

ZR: Who has a better shot at winning the Heisman: Melvin Gordon or Ameer Abdullah?

FP: Ameer Abdullah, because he is awesome and Gordon just copies him. Ever since Ameer had that long TD against McNeese State, Gordon has been imitating him with a bunch of long TDs too which is really lame and uncreative.

ZR: Who wins in a tag-team match: Gary Andersen and Barry Alvarez or Bo Pelini and Tom Osborne?

FP: I think everyone knows the answer to this.

ZR: How about if we add J. J. Watt and Ndamukong Suh into the equation?

FP: I think everyone still knows the answer to this.

ZR: Besides the 2012 Big Ten Championship Game, the Badgers and Cornhuskers have played on two other occasions since Nebraska joined the Big Ten. Wisconsin rolled to a 48-17 victory in the Cornhuskers’ conference debut, and Nebraska got revenge the next year in Lincoln, erasing a 17-point deficit to beat the Badgers 30-27. Results have varied in their first three Big Ten meetings, so what’s your prediction for Saturday afternoon?

FP: There will be cold, there will be yelling, there will be pants.

ZR: Thanks for your time, and best of luck to the Cornhuskers this weekend.

FP: Thanks and I hope you lose and become sad.