It never had to be this way, but we are still here. As Saturday night becomes Sunday morning, we will never forget the heroic courage one Hunter Simmons put forth to nearly slay the dragon that is the Oregon Ducks on the road. Amid Liquid Sunshine, it was as joyless of a slog as it was for King Arthur on his quest to find the Holy Grail. In a way, Simmons found it, as well as great people along the way.
Shortly after the 7:00 p.m. PT hour in a far away land called Oregon, it was Simmons who called his shot like The Great Bambino. He threw that football fathoms upon fathoms into the arms of one Eugene Hilton Jr. The Son of TY was too cool to be "Hot Hands" Hanon, as there was no stickum to be found. As Hilton approached the most sacred threshold, he needed his valiant leader to guide him in.
At the hallowed line, it was Simmons who nearly lost his way again, as he fumbled the snap with only inches to go. Not to be denied, he found Lance Mason for the most sacred trip to pay dirt. The Hunter likes Lancealot... In a game that was described as brilliantly by Tim Brando as it would have been by Homer himself, who can ever forget The Epic Ballad of Hunter Simmons, the man who scored once?!
As King Luke Fickell stood there like a buffoon in the rain, Wisconsin was not going home pointless.
Hunter Simmons did not slay dragons but scored a touchdown on Oregon
As the sage prophet once foretold, it was never going to end well for Simmons in this tragedy. On his next attempt to cross the sacred goal-line threshold, the bequeathed the ball to an Oregon defensive back near the two-minute timeout. As the Ducks began to sit on the ball like a duck on its nest of eggs, we could never forget that one time Simmons did was once improbable, and made it possible.
Nine months from now, there shall be an influx of young men from America's Dairyland willing to fight for what is right, and their right to party, all with the given name of Hunter. Blessed with all the best decisions a case of Miller Lite can buy, the epic tale of Hunter Simmons will be passed down from one generation to another. "Heroes get remembered, but legends never die," said The Great Bambino.
When dust settles and when the smoldering ash puts forth its final ember, we will never forget that one time Simmons changed the game for these no-good, stinkin' Badgers in the land of Nike amid Liquid Sunshine. For Simmons to match as many letters in his King Fickell's surname on one possession is what the Knights of the Round Table talked about. May a hot shower be in order next!
With a chance at not scoring a single point over a calendar month, Simmons came through tonight.